from A State of Grace
SEDUCTION
We felt safe in knowing that physically, emotionally, and mentally we could continue to attract new people to us, or further bind those already in our web… Through sex, charm, emotional appeal, or persuasive intellect, we had used other people as “drugs,” to avoid facing our own personal inadequacy. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 74
Many people in our society think that having the power of seduction is something to be admired. It’s used in advertising and actors use it to become instant celebrities. Some ability to seduce may be helpful for some. But for sex and love addicts, it can be the currency that feeds our addiction. Using any means necessary in order to have a constant supply of sexual companionship usually means that we have to make empty promises. Seducing the same person again and again gets more difficult over time when they realize we’re not capable of commitment or intimacy. Many addicts love that type of a challenge, but most go for the quick fix and find another to convince.
Seduction is short term validation. Once the goal of sex is reached, the true person comes out because no one can keep up a facade their entire lifetime. The truth always comes out. SLAA helped me stop playing games and present the real me in relationships. People were free to choose whether to accept me or reject me on who I was. I didn’t have to run around wasting money, time and energy on crazy-making schemes anymore. The freedom to be me and find true love is worth more to me than anything else.
I will not try to seduce anyone today. I will stay true to myself and my sobriety.
From Answers in the Heart
Healing is complex and mysterious. Sometimes it can happen only through the mystery of the wound itself.
— Allan Bozarth Campbell
One way to live our recovery is to be a wounded healer. This image, often used in spiritual work, expresses the wonderful contradiction found in the promise that no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. It is not in spite of, but because of how far down we have gone that we can reach out to those who still suffer.
As wounded healers, we have gone through experiences in our life that have resulted in personal transformation — a spiritual awakening. Because of our sex addiction and recovery, we now have a wisdom that we desire to share with others. And always, the opportunity to share in someone else’s healing is as much a gift to us as it is to the other person.
We must never forget that our powerlessness was, and is, a wound. It is also the way to new power.
May I possess the simplicity, humility, and compassion of the wounded healer.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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