from A State of Grace
THE FIRST STEP
We admitted we were powerless over sex and love addiction — that our lives had become unmanageable. — SLAA Core Documents, “The Twelve Steps”
To admit that we are powerless over our sex and love addiction is a difficult and humbling process. Many of us have not been willing to admit that we lack power in any aspect of our lives. We believe that admitting this is tantamount to failure. Our perfectionism tells us that if we can’t do something then we are deficient, unworthy, or broken. True freedom comes from surrender, a paradox that is difficult to wrap our brains around. If we give up, we are taking the first step toward success in arresting our addictive behaviour. It is okay to be imperfect. Addiction is not a personal failing. It is a spiritual dis-ease that may only be overcome with a spiritual solution. Have our lives become unmanageable? Are we sick and tired of being sick and tired? Recovery is possible if we are willing to open our minds to new possibilities and give up on living life on our own terms. Only we can make this decision for ourselves. No one else can force us to let go.
I am ready to surrender my whole life strategy of the pursuit of and obsession with sex and love. I am willing to try a new way of living.
From Answers in the Heart
Shame is the motor behind compulsive behavior.
— Anonymous
Shame. Even the word is stark. When we feel shame, we feel utterly worthless, not because of what we’ve done, but because of who we think we are. We think we are unlovable, incapable of giving love. The more our addiction progressed, the more out of control and powerless we felt. That’s when we found shame waiting in the chaos. We wanted to be invisible, to disappear.
But there was something we wanted more: a way out. We found it by hanging on to the knowledge that we have dignity because we have life. It was given to us by our Higher Power who loves us unconditionally. We no longer need to feel shame because we no longer need to use people or let ourselves be used. Instead, we live in the grace and light of recovery, with dignity and in peace.
What counteracts shame? Honesty about my feelings, boundaries, living in the present, getting out of my self-absorption. These are how I can take care of myself. Above all, gentleness and self-forgiveness will restore my emotional balance.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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