from A State of Grace
KEEP COMING BACK
People found some grievance to serve as an apparent justification for leaving SLAA. Some other SLAA member’s personality traits, or some perceived SLAA “line” on a topic relating to sobriety, was often used as an excuse to have nothing further to do with the Fellowship. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 120
The Basic Text goes on to say that, “our group experiences seem to indicate that our difficulties with open, honest relationships with other human beings make us especially vulnerable to this kind of excuse to isolate ourselves from the Fellowship.” Even though we say “keep coming back,” to newcomers, they might not listen and they may leave.
The Basic Text offers guidance on this: “We have neither resisted this type of strategy, nor have we encouraged it. After all, such individuals ultimately answer, as do we all, not to the SLAA Fellowship, but to the personal addictive pattern itself.” I tried to talk myself out of meetings many times over the years. But I heard so many personal stories of people leaving and dying from our disease (or coming back and reporting great suffering) that I stuck around. And the few times I did try to leave, I got so beaten up by my disease that I came crawling back, begging for help to ease my suffering. The Fellowship saved a seat for me and welcomed me back with open arms. That helped me want to stick around. Staying in SLAA meetings saved my life and gave me a life worth living.
I will not listen to my disease today if it tries to convince me to leave SLAA. I will pray and meditate and stay.
From Answers in the Heart
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
— Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is forgiveness. When we remember the past, we often find we were much harder on ourselves than we were on other people. We may no longer even remember some of our misdeeds, but it’s not so easy to erase the effects of self-punishment on our identity and self-esteem.
There is no need for us to punish ourselves. We can make amends to ourselves just as we do to others. And then we can forgive ourselves, just as we forgive others, and just as we are forgiven by them.
When we find it hard to forgive ourselves and let go, there are actions we can take: We can call someone, work the Tenth Step, or try to find the real feelings beneath the urge to be so hard on ourselves. We can still be honest and choose gentleness. We can also keep our perspective, seeing things realistically and not creating a catastrophe where there is none. We can turn to our Higher Power, asking for a higher forgiveness and be assured of our Higher Power’s understanding and love.
Do I have a hidden investment in refusing to forgive myself? I know that forgiving myself is loving myself.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members