from A State of Grace
REVENGE
If we had just been jilted by someone we felt was “indispensable,” surrender meant that we accepted our loss, and refused to take revenge or recriminate. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 73
Revenge is such a part of society that it can even be commended and encouraged sometimes. If I plotted revenge on a lover, I continued to feel connected to them long after the relationship was over. I could continue to obsess about them. And in my twisted way of thinking, it gave me a better excuse to stalk them. I felt entitled to this behaviour because they were cruel to me and deserved it. This rationalization in order to hang on to character defects was never good for my emotional well-being. It just dug a deeper hole for my self-esteem to be buried in. My revenge plots never worked out as well as the scenario in my head anyway. Most of them just stayed as fantasies that took up too much of my time. Accepting loss was never my ego’s strong suit. I had to be in control of everything in my life in order to feel safe. If I couldn’t control someone with sex and love, I had to do it with anger. When I surrendered my sex and love addiction, this was a difficult character defect to let go of. The no contact rule on my bottom lines helped. I prayed to stay out of negative fantasies and to deal with the pain of loss in a healthy way instead of being self-destructive. This has worked for me and my sobriety.
When someone harms me, I will seek healthy coping behaviours like prayer, meditation, forgiveness, and fellowship instead of destructive actions like revenge.
From Answers in the Heart
We live each day with special gifts that are a part of our very being, and life is a process of discovering and developing these God-given gifts within each one of us.
— Jeanne Dixon
As our recovery progresses, we discover ways to share ourselves with other people. We feel the desire to act on things we’ve learned and to apply them in our relationships. This way, we can pass on to others the awareness and knowledge we have been given.
This wonderful urge to take action should be followed, not resisted. A spiritual awakening is just that — an awakening of the spirit, which then seeks to be part of all life itself.
When we discover our talents, whatever they are, we will be true to them and look for opportunities to use them. The challenge of doing this lets such qualities as integrity, courage, self-discipline, and compassion rise to the surface, where they become part of our daily practice. The alignment of who we are on the outside with who we are on the inside is a priceless gift of recovery.
My recovery gives me great joy. I will share that joy with others today.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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