from A State of Grace
JUDGMENT
Today I can compare that calm, centred feeling to a candle burning steadily. That small flame guided me on my path. When it burned steadily, I was usually on good spiritual ground. When it flickered or went out, I was headed for trouble. The process of stopping what no longer worked, and learning new ways to add things which did work, was pretty smooth. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 249
Good judgment is not my strong suit. Making considered decisions was never appealing to me, much less within my reach. I was so powerless over my addiction that I had to rush into everything without really thinking about it. Getting it done now was imperative because so many things in my life tended to evaporate into the ether. In my chaotic, hurried existence there were no sensible conclusions. The things that made sense to my diseased mind were insane in reality. I did some crazy things thinking it would make my qualifier stay or come back. And whenever faced with the choice of two actions, I always chose the easiest, which is not always the healthiest. Program helped me with judgment by teaching me to ask fellows, pray and meditate, and write. Tenth Steps, pros and cons lists, and journaling all help me consider a decision in depth. I still may choose the wrong path, but no one can say I didn’t make an effort and I usually learn something useful. Out of it all, I can be proud of the fact that I’m more aware than I was in the days of my addiction. Seeking God’s will keeps me centred.
I will not rush into decisions today. I will pray, meditate, and write until the answers come.
From Answers in the Heart
We are here and it is now. Further than that, all knowledge is moonshine.
— H. L. Mencken
Some us may think it’s selfish to be too concerned with the present. Shouldn’t we be thinking lofty thoughts or planning for the future? And the past — don’t we have to get it in perspective?
There’s good sense in all that. But let’s remember we don’t live in the past or the future. We do have painful memories and they are a real part of our present. But only a part, so that we don’t have to obsessively fill our present with the past to acknowledge our history. We aren’t there; we’re here. It’s not then, it’s now, and always will be.
Learning to live in the here and now is a way of centring ourselves and bringing the world and other people into focus. If we experience fully what’s happening at every moment, our lives will expand and deepen and become enriched by a vivid sense of being truly alive.
I don’t want to spend my life wishing things were different. I am content to be who I am, where I am, now.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members