from A State of Grace
SEXUAL ABUSE
Like other people, we had been life’s victims in many respects. Many of us had memories of emotional deprivation or of being physically or even sexually abused... our feelings about these events had hardened into a great bitterness which we held for those people who had mistreated us. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 90
I spent a lifetime hating my abusers and using the abuse to explain why God didn’t exist. I was angry and distrustful of the world. Why live in a world where abuse exists? I couldn’t face the pain. I numbed it with drugs and dangerous sex. It didn’t matter that I was putting my life at risk; I didn’t want to be here anyway. I wasted my life on that excuse. I didn’t have to work towards goals or even happiness because I had the monolith of abuse blocking my path. Every time I tried to change, I was plunged into depression. I thought the hole was too large to climb out of. I couldn’t see that recovery could work for my particular brand of problems. When I entered the rooms of SLAA, I kept seeing a fellow who had been sexually abused by her grandfather her entire childhood. She cried and raged at every meeting for years. But one day I saw her start to change. She attributed it to working the Steps and the help of SLAA fellows. Today I see her in the rooms and she is always smiling and sharing about how SLAA gave her a life that she enjoys. I started to believe that it could work for me and it has!
Higher Power, help us to recover from sexual abuse that we’ve endured. Help all of us recover from the existence of sexual abuse in our world.
From Answers in the Heart
Without forgiveness life is governed…by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.
— Roberto Assaglioli
As recovering addicts we know the harm done to ourselves and others by our addiction. And yet, our illness may continue to be a breeding ground for resentment. Perhaps we think others are healthier and more successful than we are, and we imagine that they look down on us. We may imagine that other people have it in for us or are trying to harm us. While there may really be occasions when we truly have been wronged, most of our resentment is probably delusional.
Whatever the situation, it is clear that part of our recovery is forgiving ourselves and others, and making things right. Our program gives us the opportunity to identify, reveal, and turn over our defects of character. At a later stage, we prepare to make amends to those we have harmed by these defects.
In this way our program helps us break through the cycle of hurt and retaliation. We come to see that there is a way out of our addictive thinking; through forgiveness and acceptance, we can find serenity and peace.
I am following the Steps toward ending resentment and retaliation. I am learning to forgive and be forgiven.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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