from Touchstones
One cannot always be a hero, but one can always be a man. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
In our former grandiose, all-or-nothing lifestyles, many of us have had a lot of experience being heroes and being failures. Until we had achieved some sanity, we didn’t have much experience with being ordinary, genuine men. Many of us thought there was something fundamentally wrong with us. We tried to be great, and when we failed we felt less than human. Our shame in those experiences seemed to say we would never be normal again.
We are learning that being genuine is far more fulfilling than being great. We no longer have to swing between the opposite extremes of hero and coward. When we become honest with ourselves, we develop an internally respectful relationship with ourselves. That is when we become true men. The courage it has taken for us and others on this journey to become honest is heroic in the deepest sense of the word.
As I find the courage to be honest, I will become more genuine.
From Answers in the Heart
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. — Henry Kissinger
As a result of our addiction, many of us lost our sense of power. We had to admit we were powerless to control our sexuality; it had been controlling us. Working the First Step is a move away from a battleground on which we were always the losers.
In our groups and in our program we learn to speak about a Higher Power — a spirit or a force that is not ours to deploy but that transcends us. By surrendering our egos to this new Power, we get back in touch with our place in the scheme of things and discover the spiritual direction and pattern of our lives.
Of course, there will always be those, in government and elsewhere, for whom power rather than love is the main driving force in life. But what do we mean by “power” and how does it satisfy us? As addicts we tried to use power against our addiction, but the result was always defeat. Finally, we found what many before us have found: the only true, abiding power is the power of love.
In my recovery I am learning to redefine power and see its relationship with love.
August 27 CRIME OF PASSION
[In] a closed-energy-system relationship… Each participant walks around feeling as if his or her nervous system is being consumed from within. A kind of half-alive stupor is punctuated with attacks of murderous rage or child-like deification of the other. Clearly the “crimes of passion” are an increasing possibility as this situation continues. Each person in the relationship needs to “live,” to have a life of his/her own. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 144
When nothing else mattered in my life except the relationship, the murderous rage I felt when things went wrong was unbearable. And I had no support group or Higher Power to take it to. I had no one to help me through it and to let it go like my sponsor and working the Steps does now. Crimes of passion are committed because of a sudden strong impulse. I could never control my impulses in my disease. And a closed energy relationship is a setup to create such strong impulses. When I walk around in high anxiety every minute of every day, obsessing about what my partner is doing, I’m inevitably going to snap. With the help of SLAA, I can take a step back from the relationship and go to a meeting or fellowship, forget about what my partner is doing for a little while, and focus on me, others, and my Higher Power. Those are much more life–enriching ventures than where my partner went to lunch that day.
I will try not to obsess about my relationship today and turn it over to Higher Power.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men
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