from A State of Grace
CO-ADDICT
Many of us had the feeling of “needing to be needed” that left us clinging to the addict, certain that if we made ourselves necessary, or “indispensable” to the addict, we would be “safe.” We… sacrificed our personal dignity and [hid] behind self-deception in order to make the relationship work. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 63
I always thought Kate from our basic text was a sex and love addict herself so the term co-addict confused me. A lot of partners of sex and love addicts end up in SLAA to confront their love addiction. Just like with my alcoholism I could point to my partner and say “They are so much more of an addict than me so I don’t have to look at myself.” I was so busy trying to rescue him that I didn’t see my own sex and love addiction blooming. He was out there cheating on me with 3 people and getting women pregnant. Why deal with petty things like self-esteem when there are big dramas to confront?
Being a co-addict enables the addict to continue acting out with less fear of repercussions. As a co-addict, if we can’t stop being an enabler, maybe we need to look at our own sex and love addiction. Co-addicts in long term recovery can help each other because they speak the same language and understand.
I will let SLAA and my Higher Power heal my co-addiction.
From Answers in the Heart
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle that fits them all.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
If we are addicted to sex, chances are that our lives are built on lying. We all have many shortcomings, but when we are addicted, lying rules supreme. We are so ashamed of our behavior that we flee the truth and, even in the smallest things, automatically turn to a lie.
Lying is an offense against life and those we love. Why can’t we look our beloved in the eye? Why do we turn away from our children and deceive them in our shame?
Our program insists on rigorous honesty from the very beginning. We must be honest, with ourselves and with our fellow sufferers. In the community of our recovery group, as we speak the truth fearlessly and openly, we gradually come to terms with ourselves and learn to be there for others.
Lying cuts us off from others; the truth binds us together.
I am tired of lying when I look into the eyes of those who trust me. I know I can learn to be honest and come to trust in myself and in the truth.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men
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