from A State of Grace
FANTASY
Through mutual sharing, we had come to know [triggering individuals] as human beings, and their stories had exploded many a fantasy we could have trumped up about them. Myths about their addictive desirability had been dispelled before our very eyes. Our interactions with others were becoming more authentic and mutual. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 146
Unicorns, Martians, and talking lions filled the pages of all my childhood books. I hid out in them to escape the scary reality of my life. My thoughts were always full of wild hopes and dreams of a better, drastically different world. Children are supposed to dream. But when these thoughts carry into adulthood and distract us from having any real purpose in life, they cross over into addiction. Obsessing about unavailable people is living in fantasyland. I can’t have an authentic relationship with a figment of my imagination. I have to actually listen to the other person and hear what they are saying, instead of idealizing them and overlooking bad behaviour. I have to watch out for playing mind reader, too. A mutual exchange of ideas is the only way for me to live in reality. Fear of conflict can keep me in fantasyland for years. One day at a time, I need to confront problems as they come and clear them out before they become full-blown fantasy worlds in my head and I’m paralysed by the fantasy. Fantasyland can be a warm, comfortable place. So, who would choose harsh reality? The only way out for me is to realize that my addiction can get to me more easily there and will pull me out into an even more harsh reality.
I will do my best to live in reality today and not get pulled in by the sirens’ call of fantasy.
From Answers in the Heart
No objects of value…are worth risking the priceless experience of waking up one more day.
— Jack Smith
Every now and then, it’s a good thing to strip life down to the essentials, the bare necessities. Close up the house, go off on a sailing trip, change careers, take a risk — we all need to occasionally face the world anew and get a fresh start.
We don’t necessarily have to take extreme measures or act impulsively to realize the validity, the importance of being in touch with the simple things in life. But if we’re too involved with toys, luxuries, and busy lifestyles, we buffer ourselves against reality and exist rather than live.
Daybreak, bird song, clouds flying, a favorite photograph, a well-loved quotation, the taste of waffles, wood smoke, starlight — these can give texture and genuine thrill to our lives. We need the wonder and joy that come with a simple, healthy life.
I’m tired of turmoil and clutter; I can keep a clearer vision with the simple things in life.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
Comments