from A State of Grace
GOSSIP
I became terribly disillusioned toward the end of ninth grade when I discovered that people were gossiping about me just as much as I gossiped about them... Emotionally, I had adopted [a “Lone Eagle”] stance to the world — I spoke to no one about my inner life. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 233
It doesn’t say anywhere in our 12 Traditions “thou shalt not gossip” (although it does break anonymity). It’s human nature to talk about other people. But I learned in program that gossip mixed with anger is a polite form of murder by character assassination, feeding our ego by proclaiming our own righteousness and putting ourselves above the people we are talking about. We aren’t trying to help them. Gossip, by definition, involves details that are not confirmed to be true. I always tempered my shares early in program because I was so afraid of people talking about me. In my family, gossip is dangerous because it is character assassination and is used against me to make me feel shame. Over the years in program, I’ve learned to forgive the people who gossip about me. I realize that they are spiritually sick. And I don’t have to fear that their words will destroy me. The people who know me love me and know that the gossip is untrue. And the people who don’t know me will either get bored and focus on someone else, or will come to see the truth. All I need to do is stick to my side of the street and focus on my life and the rest will resolve itself.
I pray for the strength to be open and honest, even when I’m afraid of gossip. I will have faith that my Higher Power will help me if I ask.
From Answers in the Heart
Desire realised is sweet to the soul.
— Proverbs 13:19
If we were deprived as children, we may still live with an emptiness inside. Of what were we deprived? Love, security, validation, acceptance, caring, compassion? We compensated by learning to bear the deprivation and survive. As adults, we’re still surviving. We settle; we don’t ask for things because we believe we don’t deserve anything. But making do with life’s crumbs leads to resentment, self-pity, and feeling deprived. We remain children, instead of becoming adults who feel competent and worthwhile.
There is a balance between wanting nothing and wanting everything. If we can broaden our thinking to include such words as plenty, fulfillment, pleasure, and satisfaction, we will start to believe there is enough of everything. It is then we become aware of the fullness of life around and within us. Living in the present helps us realize we have everything we need in this moment. That realization helps us feel worthwhile, competent — and fulfilled.
God, please take away my fear of satisfaction and pleasure. Grant me an awareness of how good life is, whether or not it brings me what I expect.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members