from A State of Grace
FINANCIAL DEPENDENCY
I chose to focus on the romance of supporting the “starving artist” both financially and emotionally. I loved being needed, and I thought that by filling that need we would be bonded for life. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 50
Romance and finance are usually intertwined. Every marriage article I’ve ever read focuses on what to do about finances and that it can cause relationship trouble. It’s when we expect money in exchange for sex or love or flirt to make more money instead of relying on the merits of our work that we get into trouble. Sex and love addiction twists a normal problem into an upside down way of looking at a relationship. When I’m fearful of not making enough money for my survival, I look for people to rescue me.
Using my sex and love addict behaviours is an easy way out and I’m lazy. But in that case, my financial rescuer always has control. That always made me feel insecure; I was on the whim of my rescuer, which is shaky ground. But if I am compensated for my talents and do a good job, it builds my self-esteem and I stand on solid ground, knowing that I can work someplace else if I don’t like the conditions of my workplace.
I will rely on God and my talents to take care of financial fear today.
From Answers in the Heart
For nothing can be sole or whole That has not been rent.
—W. B. Yeats
The power of Step Five is its ability to shatter our secrets. Once we share our inventory with another person, with the help and grace of our Higher Power, we acknowledge our membership in the human race. As our honesty strips away the charade of who we were, the dishonesty, isolation, fear, grandiosity, and self-will of our sex addiction receive a mortal blow.
It is healing to talk with another person. We simply can’t accomplish the same thing by ourselves. Even though we may be afraid to share our inventory, with God’s help we can trust the effort and let go of the outcome.
Every admission we make, and every secret we tell during our recovery will reflect who and where we are at that moment. Telling our secrets helps us give them up. Asking for help acknowledges our need for others and helps us let go of the past.
God, please help me find the humility and honesty to hold back nothing in my admitting to You, myself, and another person the exact nature of the harm I’ve caused myself and others.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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