from A State of Grace
OBJECTIFICATION
The objects of my passion were seen entirely in terms of their ability to fulfil my NEEDS. They were defined by how well they functioned in this way. They were functions, not human beings. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 47
I have a friend who always reminds me that people are not vending machines. Ah, if they were! If we could only arrange them on stage and produce the show the way we want to. There would be no need for my anorexia. I remember how shocked I was when I heard men share in SLAA and realized that they had pain to deal with just like me. Or my partner would express feelings and I would realize that he’s a lot like me. My sponsor always tells me that people have their own thoughts and ideas and they may not do things the way I would do them. Agreeing to disagree was never good enough for me. I had to twist everything to fit my idea of perfection. And if I couldn’t do that easily, I moved on to the next person who I thought would give it to me. I rationalized bad behaviour with an attitude of “Why not have multiple partners if one can’t give me everything I need?” And my addict needs were always unrealistic and exaggerated.
Even a robot couldn’t fulfil them. How could I expect a human being to? People are not objects to be used or abused. We all suffer, selling ourselves short, when reducing sexual love to a spiritually disconnected state of supply and demand.
I will try to fit myself to the world today instead of trying to force the world to fit to my needs. I will pray for Higher Power’s will.
From Answers in the Heart
Then through the thunderous silence, we may be able to hear a still, small voice, and words will be born anew.
— Madeleine L’Engle
A recovering sex addict described his isolation like this: “I used to walk into my apartment at the end of the day and be acutely aware that no one was there. I wanted to cry because I felt so lonely. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t alone — because I was there.”
There’s a difference between being alone and being isolated. Learning how to be alone is a risk, but it’s worth taking. When we are content with what we’re doing, solitude restores us. Looking out the window at a tree is productive if it nurtures us.
We find out who we are by spending time alone. It gives us the chance to think, to dream, to talk with our Higher Power. It enables us to know the wonder of who we are. Alone, we can experience self-acceptance, direction, wisdom, and peace Alone, we can be created anew. But to isolate is to risk self-destruction. Which will it be today?
I will take time for myself today. I need not fear to be alone because I never am.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members