from A State of Grace
THE THIRD TRADITION
The only requirement for SLAA membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathered together for mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves a SLAA group provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. — SLAA Core Documents, “The Twelve Traditions”
I naturally assumed that I was a pretty open-minded person. The truth is, I was like most. My circle of friends was generally made up of those who were in similar camps politically, religiously, economically, and culturally. My addiction was a game changer. It put me in a room with people with very different perspectives on life. “We are people who normally would not mix,” says the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. One fear of beginning in meetings is the fear of becoming like one of “them,” whatever “them” happens to be. What we find when we enter the rooms are people whose worldviews, support systems, and belief structures served them well in so many ways but failed to help them stop living out a pattern of sex and love addiction. A desire to stop acting out and a common cure forged an insoluble bond. I sit across from people with whom I would never have chosen to acquaint. I have a sponsor who believes differently in so many ways. Yet, I find that as different as we are, we are not so different. We all want to get sober. We are here to help ourselves and help one another. That is more important than all the things that typically divide.
A common quest for sobriety and a way of life that truly works puts us in fellowship and transcends the things that divide.
From Answers in the Heart
What is the deepest loss you have suffered? If drinking is bitter, change yourself to wine…. And if the earthly no longer knows your name, whisper to the silent earth: I’m flowing. To the flashing water say: I am. — Rilke
It’s not that we want God to change everything about us or remake us to perfection. (OK, maybe we do.) It’s not that we wish we were other than who we are; some days we even like who we are. It’s more that we want to have faith in ourselves, a deep-down, constant faith that steadies us. We want to have roots deep in the earth, not fragile roots of glass.
Strong and deep roots are made of self-esteem, hope, love, willingness, humility, and faith. Our longing to be grounded in life may take the form of wishing we were not addicted to sex, but that’s a cover-up for the deeper things we truly want.
Recovery reorganizes our personalities, indeed our very souls, around new, spiritual principles. We remain sex addicts and always will be, yet that doesn’t prevent us from possessing faith in ourselves and the courage to keep growing.
I am a vessel containing life. I am a vessel that has been shattered and mended. I will endure.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men
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