from A State of Grace
CLOSURE
[The] wish to clean up the messy, incomplete feelings, which were so common in our addictive relationships, however, could only result in “falling under the ether” of our addiction once again. Of course, it was often necessary to break off some relationships, or otherwise set some situations involving others right, early in sobriety. In such cases we found that writing a simple letter to these people was safest. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 92
I told my sponsor I needed to speak to my qualifier one last time to get closure. He said, “It’s over. There’s your closure.” I don’t need to go back to my disease one last time for any reason. Life is unpredictable. The only way to get closure on a relationship sometimes is to do the inventories and steps around it and give it to Higher Power. I can give myself a firm answer when doubts creep in about ending a relationship. But no matter what I say or do to end a relationship, the longing can stick around for years and crop up when least expected. SLAA takes the strength out of the memories and gives us the tools to stay away when necessary. I try not to get into the “what ifs.” That fantasy makes me open the door to a situation that is best kept shut. Buying into the delusion that I could have made it work is just self-will run riot. If I seek God’s will, I can stay away from the destructive relationship one day at a time.
I will stay out of the “what ifs” today and have faith that my Higher Power has my best interests at heart. If I feel the need for closure, I will write about it, talk to fellows, and give it to Higher Power.
From Answers in the Heart
Therefore, will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
— Thomas Merton
Many of us have felt at times that we don’t know where we’re going. Maybe we’ve just made an important change, like leaving a job or a relationship. Perhaps we feel far away from our Higher Power and don’t know how to find our way back. Or we might be entering a new stage of recovery, which often entails a deeper commitment to our recovery program and insecurity about the future.
During the times we have no answers, it may be enough simply to ask the questions. Our inclination as sex addicts is to be in control, to put our minds to work and figure things out. But some things simply can’t be dealt with only with logic. All we can do is ask the questions, have faith in the answers as our Higher Power reveals them to us, and let go.
We find new faith by working through those situations where we don’t have the answer right away. Part of life’s wonder is its mystery. It takes faith to not only accept the mystery, but to embrace and love it.
Life is a question mark. Today is a day to accept and cherish that in my life.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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