from A State of Grace
SHAME
I now know that there are others out there who are making their imperfect way through life as I am. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have everything to look forward to. I have one day at a time. I have myself. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 176
From what I’ve learned about myself in recovery, guilt and shame seem to be the axis around which my disease comes alive. So when I come from a place of shame, and I’m not aware that I’m having these feelings – I act out on them. I go into romantic intrigue or romantic obsession. I try to find my next sexual fix, or I think about cheating on my partner, or I become interested in pornography. When I’m in a state of shame, I lose my relationship with my Higher Power and I start losing myself. The more that I’ve become aware of my shame and am able to make friends with the feelings, the more I’m able to know that the feelings won’t consume me. I don’t need to act on them and I can get a sense of freedom. Knowing that others in SLAA are trudging the same road with me helps. I try to remember that I wouldn’t shame a fellow for doing the same things I am powerless over because of my addiction.
I will lean on fellows and my Higher Power to help lift me out of my shame.
From Answers in the Heart
An act of love that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception.
— Harold Loukes
It’s the nature of love to create, and there is power in each act of love, no matter how small. To choose to forgive rather than to blame creates good and is, therefore, an act of love. To turn away from sex addiction and stay abstinent accomplishes the same thing. And, unlike possessing something external that brings no guarantee of happiness, creating good makes us happy.
For a sex addict, love is a word often accompanied by pain and unfulfilled longing. When we’ve never known love, it’s a word and no more. We may have an intellectual idea of love, but it remains an idea with no reality if we’ve never experienced it.
Recovery allows us to more fully experience love, intimacy, tenderness, closeness, and warmth. At first, these may be unfamiliar and difficult to allow or accept. But if we remember that love creates only good, we will have a sense of purpose and a reason to try.
I am a good person. I am a loving person. Today, I will be true to those beliefs about myself.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members