from A State of Grace
LIVING IN THE PAST
Our feelings about [love interests] often had taken on, during withdrawal, the rosy glow of sentimentality and idealism, especially in circumstances where the former spouse or lover had been living a considerable distance away from us. We were not thinking about the old, chronic, and perhaps only dimly recognized breakdowns in communication which had formerly crippled us. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 147
While it is good to learn from the past, as sex and love addicts we learned the wrong things. Many of us still live in that time, trying to protect our inner child from being hurt and abandoned. But we are adults now, and we live in the present. The past is no longer our reality. We are not as powerless as we once were. We can nurture that hurt inner child and nurture our adult selves in the process. Now we deal with what is immediately in front of us. God takes care of the future, and he’ll help us surrender the past, if we let him. The pain and abandonment of the past led us into addiction. By not letting go of it, we abandon ourselves. Others love us in the present. The past is but a small part of who we are. God changes us into people who live in the present and act from our hearts.
I will surrender the past to God. I will live in this present moment where my new life of acting from the heart resides.
From Answers in the Heart
The absurd man is he who never changes.
— Auguste Barthélémy
We often feel sick and tired of being ourselves, because it seems we are always the same, never changing. And this is especially true for sex addicts: our emotional lives often seem like treadmills, never varying in their fantasies and rituals. We haven’t acted to alter things; we’ve only acted out. And in acting out we were driven by a compulsion to repeat actions that gave us little pleasure and no joy.
Sometimes the same feelings come to us in recovery. We say, “Everything’s just the same.” Or, “I’m just not getting anywhere.” Our day-to-day lives seem more or less the same; nothing dramatic has happened, nothing special is going to happen. Inertia. Despair.
Let’s look around at others in our group and check things out. We may be able to see more clearly in others the changes that have taken place. Yes, we become aware that John is different, more restful, and Mary is energetic and more outgoing. Change may take place slowly, but it does happen. For sure.
We are changing too. For sure.
Let me become aware of the changes taking place in me each day.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members