from A State of Grace
GENUINE
We had made something trivial of “love,” with our long lists of those whose names we didn’t even know, cheating them and ourselves of anything authentic or genuine. We... had led everyone in our lives to expect from us what we could not or would not deliver. We had been masters of false advertising. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 91
Most of my life I was either so far in denial or so insecure that I needed to lie to the people I was with. I would call them “partners,” but that was a lie. I didn’t even know their names so how could they be a partner? I told myself I was going to nightclubs looking for something genuine and getting upset every time the one night stands didn’t deliver a healthy relationship. And if anything ever did last long term, I was still cheating them and myself of anything authentic because I felt I had to lie about myself in order to make them stick around. They would expect me to be the person they saw in the beginning of the relationship—the one who never angered, had no needs, gave extravagant gifts, and was always kind and courteous. Meanwhile, I was ignoring everything and piling up resentments. My only outlet was to cheat and find new hope for a better relationship. I couldn’t continue to live my life that way. Worsening depression after every failed relationship was making me suicidal. The Twelve Steps and SLAA showed me a better way of life. I became the real me. I was able to have boundaries and be consistent. I opened up and became intimate. And instead of empty promises, I made real commitments and kept them.
I will avoid false advertising today and be the real me.
From Answers in the Heart
I complained because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
— Persian proverb
When we are locked away in the loneliness and self-pity that comes with our addiction, we often exaggerate our misfortunes. In our solitude we feel we are unique in our troubles and unhappiness, and that there’s no way out.
But if we open our minds and hearts, we will find that there are many people whose lives are filled with real hardship and pain. Yet, many of them manage to be cheerful and loving. They may be poor, handicapped, or bereaved, but they daily show courage and have serenity in their lives.
In our groups, too, we meet many whose lives have been blasted at the root by neglect, abandonment, or abuse. And yet they have left behind bitterness and anger and grown into healthy, kind people. When they take time for others, they give us some of their courage and affection.
Our lives can become richer as we realize our good fortune at being in recovery with brave and kind people.
I’ll remember to give thanks to the people in my life who nourish my health and my spiritual development.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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