from A State of Grace
THE EIGHTH CHARACTERISTIC
We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies. — SLAA Core Documents, “Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction”
I felt like I was paralysed. I remember staring at my computer screen at work, on the phone with my qualifier, unable to leave. The plan was to visit my sister for the weekend. But he didn’t want me to go. He kept me on the phone for an hour. I knew it was his disease making him unable to breathe without me, without his “fix.” He was a sex addict in program also. My disease told me to stay. I had enough recovery to leave anyway. But I was so distracted, I got into a car accident. “She came out of nowhere and was going too fast” didn’t cut it with the insurance company. I knew I was thinking about him and not paying attention when I backed out of the parking space. Later, when we broke up, I got in another car accident because I thought I saw him standing on the street. When I ran into him at a meeting years later, I was proud of myself for not talking to him but as soon as I left the meeting, I got a traffic ticket for not paying attention to the road signs. Recovery has definitely helped my concentration! As long as I don’t swing the door open for obsessions and fantasies, I can lead a fairly responsible happy life.
Higher Power, please help me concentrate on my life today, instead of getting lost in fantasy or obsession. As soon as these thoughts begin, direct my attention to what you would have me do.
From Answers in the Heart
It is we that are blind, not Fortune.
— Sir Thomas Browne
Denial is one of the hardest parts of our illness to overcome. It is because many of us deny our addiction, and our addiction thrives on denial.
We deny we are ill if we project our behavior onto someone else or something outside ourselves. We may have said, “My mother stifled me and that’s why I sometimes act out with prostitutes.” Or, “I can’t help my compulsive behavior; it runs in the family.” Or, “It’s fate, it’s my destiny to be different.” If we say things like this, we not only deny our conduct, we deny our responsibility. And that prevents us from seeking help and getting well.
Denial is like a web that entangles us and keeps us from being free and from making choices. We need to accept responsibility without feeling shame; we need to make a “fearless moral inventory of ourselves,” and then articulate the good and bad points of our character. Only if we remain blind to ourselves will we remain in bondage to our addiction.
I want to get to know myself and accept responsibility for the good and bad things in my life.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members
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