from A State of Grace
MIND-READING
We could clearly see that the inability of others to take us at our word gave evidence of how distorted their perceptions were. In truth, we could see, in their reactions, much of our own former, addiction-serving “misreading” of the intentions of others. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 116
Mind-reading is a form of fantasy. It’s part of my objectification and sexualization of people. When I’m looking for potential partners, I make up stories in my head about complete strangers – who they are, where they’re going in life, and what their sexuality is. The reality is that I don’t have a clue. The same thing happens when I’m in a relationship. I think my own brain will be more successful in determining my partner’s intentions than I would be if I just asked. As a child, I was afraid to talk about my emotions or inquire about the emotions of others, so I assumed I would have to go on doing things that way for the rest of my life. In recovery, I practice sharing my feelings and thoughts with others so that they may know the real me. When I am unsure of someone else’s intentions, I ask them for clarification. I won’t get anywhere trying to read people’s minds. But if I engage with others, and am willing to be vulnerable and open up about myself, then I get to live in reality. Through this process, little by little, fear fades away.
I will not try to guess what someone else is thinking or feeling. I will take them at their word and really listen to what they’re telling me.
From Answers in the Heart
Every beginning is a consequence — every beginning ends some thing.
— Paul Valéry
Recovery is a beginning, a rebirth, the dawn of a new life. It is not simply a miracle, which comes from heaven; it is the effect of our desire to change, to make our lives anew with the help of our Higher Power.
Our lives before recovery were unmanageable, and that knowledge was the start of our recovery. We knew we needed a new set of beliefs. Pursuing new beliefs is a part of our recovery.
Our recovery means the end of old ways of behaving. We may need to mourn the passing of our old selves, because our old selves became close to us all these years. At times we will miss our addiction, and we have to acknowledge that. But with patience we learn to find new goals for our energies and new aims for our desires. What is ended is a way of life that led us into pain and sorrow and hopelessness. We can let it go now, for it is over and we are on the path of new beginnings.
I mourn and accept the passing of my addicted self, and I welcome the beginning of a new life.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men A State of Grace - daily meditations by SLAA members