from A State of Grace
ROMANTICISM
Some of us were caught up in the hypnotic intensity of sexual and romantic encounters or relationships, merging ourselves into our lovers or spouses. These experiences became overwhelmingly compelling, carrying us along with them, exuberantly at first, and then less and less willingly. — SLAA Basic Text, Page 69
For some of us, obsessive romanticism was a key aspect of our overall sex and love addiction. As a teen, my interactions with female peers became overwhelmingly focused on winning their approval of me as a sexual being. While other boys naturally developed “the hots” for this girl or that, romantic impulses in me were much more intense.
Romance addiction became all-absorbing, profoundly affecting my sense of emotional well-being and capacity to function. To hide the truth from myself, I reasoned that I was only expressing true chivalry in this cynical modern age. All of this was preparing the way for full-blown sexual compulsivity as I moved through my teens. Recovery from sex and love addiction must include recovery from obsessive romanticism and relationship addiction. Once the compulsion of acting out itself has been lifted and recovery begins to expand in us, we notice that romantic idealization and fixation on imagined relationships begins to fade. How liberating it is to view others not as gods or goddesses, but simply as fellow human beings, deserving of respect, honesty and right conduct from us. I thank God, who, by way of the program and fellowship of SLAA, has awakened me from the hypnotic trance of obsessive romanticism.
I will try to stay rooted in reality today. If my mind starts wandering into romanticism, I will pray and meditate.
From Answers in the Heart
Life delights in life. — William Blake
How do we connect with other people? Do we rely on conflict, suffering, manipulation, gossip, one-upmanship? Do we create relationships that can be controlled safely, and then call that “reality”?
Real connection requires two people, both wanting to be in the relationship, to approach each other as equals. A good relationship brings us happiness, growth, and a satisfying feeling of closeness. We are able to be ourselves, without adjusting our beliefs or behavior to please the other person or to maintain the relationship. The moment we abandon our equality, we have a power struggle, not a relationship.
When we acted out, the only connection we made was between us and the addictive hunger, an appetite that was never filled. In recovery, we can connect with other people, giving and receiving, and finding the joy that comes with true connection.
There is a triangle in my relationships: myself, the other person, and my Higher Power. I can trust the connection I feel, giving what I can without worrying about what I may receive in return.
Daily Meditation Books
Answers in the Heart - daily meditations for people recovering from sex addiction
Touchstones - daily meditations for recovering men
コメント